A Plight of One Father (5th Installment)

I spent my first Christmas home in eight and a half years at home alone just resting a tired, weary soul. I had expected the police to have been waiting for me at my apartment when I got there but they were not. Although Rose had been to my apartment on two prior occasions. One of which was to help me do some housework, although Rose is a very poor housekeeper and her cooking is even worse. At any rate, I noted at one point that she reported my address on her complaint as the former one, at my sister's. Go figure, some people live by so much deception it is difficult to understand why they make many of the fabrications that they do. The next day I was still not arrested although Rose was phoning everyone in my family who she could reach (with the exception of my mother - keep figuring) to tell them all her twisted version of what occurred. I went back and forth to work without incident as well. The next day I set out to my regularly scheduled parole interview. When I got to the office building I immediately noticed Rose's alleged ex-boyfriend standing in front of the parole office. I approached him and asked him whether he had brought her here today, and he replied that she had brought him there, of where he should not have come because his mother was at home sick. After that I called my sister to tell her what was happening, and went upstairs to be returned to the belly of the beast.

I sit here at Rikers Island going back and forth to parole hearings. It took the Division three adjournments before they brought Rose in but on March 3rd she and her aunt slash not actually aunt both appeared to testify slash testilie regarding the Christmas Eve get together of "only family" - but titi (aunt), you just testified that you are not in fact family yourself, along with you and your niece's - I mean friend's - boyfriend, and date for you (although you go out with another guy who I grew up with) - excuse me I mean just friends - at the family-only get together, correction; ex-boyfriend, excuse me Rose, and of how the two of them were together the whole time (except of course when the the actual altercation took place because Rose had stalked me back alone whereas titi slash friend was still around the corner saying goodbye to the boys and actually came in the tail-end) and so many obvious fabrications to have to go on listing them all. Certainly, pathetic.

As certainly, that which does not destroy me will make me stronger. I grow stronger with each and every day in here. Rose is foolish to think that she can harm me anymore than she already has for the five months she did before this event. After all, I have already done eight and a half years, where I must do a number of months now because of her chicken-head chicanery it will not amount to much of a chink in my armor. With her I was never made better but left to my own resources I always make me better. I already have added another field of endeavor to my repertoire; journalism, writing articles like this one. I imagine Rose too may have some come up in her own endeavors. The federal government's economic stimulus plan is coming up and I am sure that she is trying to figure out how she can entitle her self to a portion although she does not work. I gave a good part of my salary to her for our son's support the entire time I was out there working but when I put in my tax return application I was informed that I could not claim my son as he was apparently already being claimed as a dependent by someone else. So, it seems she has sold our son's dependency status to someone else for a stake in their return. I sense the silent shame, from one generation to another, threatening to intergenerationally seize my son. I have heard the crying shame and rescued myself from its ensnarement of me. Despite either shame, I sat at my hearing the other day and watched Rose put on her patented smirk for the administrative law judge and marveled at he posture of shamelessness.

One day my son will understand things even better than he already does and although I have been removed from his life once again, he will realize that his father is a redeeming, generous man who gives much to his family and people, but who showed him nonetheless that a man does not easily relinquish his dignity, and my son will not host a spirit of shame.

So let it be a testament to these affairs: I would never be be the cabron (man who allows himself to be betrayed) that Rose saw her mother denigrate her father as; I would never accept being oppressed by a small time hustler under a delusion of power because she schemes and manipulates amid people who would otherwise love or trust her. So, irregardless of whatever I may face by all of this, I am happy that I shall no longer be under the tyranny rule of the Big Mamas regime and that I can finally have a chance at life and love.

For this liberation I return to the belly.

EPILOGUE - A PLIGHT OF ONE FATHER

One thing I wish with all my heart, and have tried to have avoided through my works and sacrifices; it is that my son not succumb to the pressures which I have. In this cause no one can attend to the dynamic needs required to avail for him but me, and in this cause I have had no ally.

Rikers Island, New York

March 6, 2008